How I got to be where I am currently...

I've almost always been of average build. There was a time in college when I was bigger. I don't remember the specifics, but I'm sure it was stress, cheap Dominoes pizza, and beer related. :/ My good friend and roommate at the time joined Weight Watchers with me and I lost a significant amount of weight. It's funny to think back about my mom. She was concerned about my weight gain, and then she was concerned about my weight loss. I felt so good though. I loved shopping and wearing cute clothes.

I maintained that ideal weight until I got married and pregnant with my son. I was very sick during the first part of my pregnancy and gained very little weight. As soon as I felt better I wanted to eat everything in sight. That said, I didn't gain an enormous amount of weight during my pregnancy. The problem was that after my son was born it stuck with me. Many people said breastfeeding would help shed the pounds quickly...not in my case. After my son was born I tried Weight Watchers again a few different times with little success. I was obsessed with counting my points and always hungry. It just didn't work for me (or I didn't work for it!) this time.

My daughter was born almost three years after my son. I hadn't taken the weight off from him and then had another pregnancy. Again, breastfeeding had no positive effects on my weight. If anything, I was hungry all the time and the weight just stuck to me. I attempted Weight Watchers again and then easily gave up. I exercised here and there (well, really, hardly at all).

Last winter (2011-2012), before my daughter turned two, my husband and I decided to do a radical diet. I did lose weight on this radical diet but I felt awful. I ate so little each day and had mad cravings. I felt weak and disconnected. I still had to cook for my two kids so I was constantly staring at food. The weight that I lost (about 15 pounds) eventually came back (and then some). 

Around the same time I had started following some healthier eating blogs and researching food: what's added to food, where does our meat come from, etc...It was very eye opening for me. I made a decision then to cut out processed foods (about 90%) and eat all natural and organic foods. It was hard at first! I read ingredient labels all the time (my quick shopping trips weren't so quick anymore). I couldn't buy a lot of what I used to buy, but that didn't help because I still needed to buy food. I started experimenting with making certain staples at home: tortilla soft shells, salad dressings, seasonings for chili, taco, and spaghetti. I really enjoyed out new way of eating. More on that later.

BUT although we were making good food choices, the weight was still there. I just let it be there. It was always THERE. If you've ever weighed more than you care to, you know what I mean. It follows you around. It hangs in the corner. It's behind you when you turn. It stares at you in the mirror. It follows you to the clothing stores and into the dressing room. When you get dressed it's right there in your way. It never goes away!

I remember last spring desperately wanting to lose weight before we visited my husband's family in England. His brother was getting married and I wanted to look good. I wanted to feel good. I didn't want IT to follow me across the pond. BUT it did. It was always "tomorrow...I'll start tomorrow..." Everyday until we boarded the airplane to England.

Fast forward to just this past October (2012). Fall going into winter is a hard time for me. I don't like that it gets dark so early. I can't stand cold weather and snow. Last November (2011) I was having such a difficult time dealing with my emotions. I was very impatient with my husband and my children. Everything they did sent me over the edge. One day I took my kids to Macy's 8th floor and they were so whiny. I basically had a meltdown in the car and called my husband crying telling him I needed help. Shortly after that, I went to the doctor and was prescribed an antidepressant. I took it for several months and then felt better and got off of it.

That little story brings me back to October 2012. I was starting to feel that way again...impatient, annoyed, irritable. I did not want a repeat of the previous fall. What can I do? How can I prevent that? What needs to change? My weight. I really believe most of my insecurities and negative feelings comes from my weight.

I had run into my half-brother, Derek, at the grocery store the previous spring and he had told me that his wife had been working out in someone's barn pole barn that had been converted into a studio. At the time I said "neat" and that's about it. I went back to that conversation and thought about how that would probably be something I'd like. I texted Lisa for the trainer's contact information. I then talked to my good friend at school (we teach together) and asked if she'd be interested in trying it out with me as we had shared our weight issues with each other and how it affected every area of our lives.

That day I emailed the trainer, Emily (she is awesome!), and set up a consultation for my friend and me. I was nervous to go but knew it was time. We were going into another dark and cold winter and I was sick of being fat. Our consultation was a few nights later. We drove out there in the pitch black, had trouble finding her house, and didn't have her phone number to tell her we were running late. At that time I was secretly hoping we wouldn't make it out there because I was scared, I didn't know what to expect, and admitting my weight/self-esteem issues to a complete stranger was very scary (and I'm no longer afraid to admit, talk, and joke about it with Emily!).

We finally got to her house. I really liked her set up and immediately felt like she was someone I could feel comfortable around. Not to mention the fact that she is super fit, beautiful, and just so down to earth and sweet. She weighed us (yuck!), took our body fat percentage (yuck), measured us (yuck), and had us do a fitness test. (Side note: I was so proud of myself for doing several push ups only to find out about 2 months later that technically they weren't push ups because my arms barely bent and Emily didn't have the heart to tell me!). I was about to do 6 SIX sit-ups in one minute. My friend and I agreed to sign up for 6 buddy training sessions (personal training with a buddy) and start group fitness classes.

I was so thankful for my friend who was going with me. Without her, there's no way I would've gone. No way at all.

I Love Salad

I love salad. As long as I make it in a variety of ways, I could eat it everyday. My kids are starting to like salad as well. That's great and not so great. Whenever I'd make a salad, no one would ask for a bite. Now they hover around me and ask for a bite which always turns into them getting more of my salad than me! I'm okay with it though because I encourage them to try different things. This salad was made with turkey bacon (I can't remember the brand off the top of my head, but it's all natural, no nitrates, grass fed, etc...), avocado, diced lunch meat, tomatoes, organic romaine lettuce, and my Paleo friendly salad dressing. I also like grilled chicken in salad, almonds, salsa, guacamole, pork, etc...It's so versatile.

Paleo Lasagna=Success!

I have been loosely following the Paleo way of eating for about the past five weeks. Most days I do really well as long as I have food in the house. My downfall is the 100% honey whole wheat bread from Great Harvest Bread Company...if you've never been there, go NOW! Their bread is delicious and made from 5 or less ingredients compared to store bread which has about 20 ingredients in it (yuck and unnecessary).

Back to Paleo...you can google it to find more information as there's a lot out here. The link below is my go-to website for Paleo friendly recipes. Tonight I made Paleo lasagna. Admittedly, I was a bit worried about what my husband and kids would think but every gave it two thumbs up. The only difference between Paleo lasagna and regular lasagna is Paleo is made with zucchini thinly sliced in place of the noodles, and it contains no dairy (no cottage cheese, parmesan, or mozzarella). My husband did shred some cheddar cheese "just in case". ;)

Grace had two helpings (which is unusual as she barely finishes one helping of anything), and William had FOUR helpings! He loved it when normally he says, "I don't like lasagna" followed by arms crossed and grumpy face. I didn't bother to call it lasagna at first. I simply said, "We are having....dinner!" Not only did William have 4 helpings of Paleo lasagna, he also had four helpings of romaine lettuce with Paleo friendly dressing. He has always said he doesn't like tomatoes (although I can't say for sure that he's every tried one except the ones I hide in chili and spaghetti and pizza), but tonight he asked for some sliced tomatoes with his salad and loved them! Yah! Although tomorrow, I'm sure he will be back to not liking them.

Salad Dressing:
http://www.paleoplan.com/2011/07-07/simple-salad-dressing/

Lasagna:
http://beta.primal-palate.com/recipe/zucchini-lasagna/

Yesterday I had this brilliant idea that I would start a blog to track my weight loss/get healthy journey. I was so inspired and had all of these wonderful ideas to share while I was listening to great music and cleaning my bedroom. Today I'm just staring at the screen and can't think of anything to say. I guess I'll wait until I'm inspired again! Maybe part of it is I have so much to say I don't know where to begin. The other part might be a little bit of fear over the thought of bearing myself to myself (and others in case anyone reads my blog when I decide to share it!).